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| The Creatures of Gym Life, Common
Sense |
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The Creatures of Gym
Life, Common Sense
By Alex Nepa
In our journey of life we run across many characters. Business men
& women, Volvo driving soccer moms, sluts, pranksters,
criminals. Much like a well developed television series or a movie
everyone has something that makes them an individual, something
that sets them apart from the pack.
It's no different in the gyms we train at.
I thought I'd take a few minutes to describe some of the
characters that train at my gym, some of the characters that
entertain me (they don't know about it, though!). Before I get
started I just wanted to note that none of these descriptions are
meant to be insulting, I only insult those who don't have the
tenacity to enter a gym.
The first character is one that I like to call Rainbow Randolph.
(I got the name from Robin Williams' character in Death to
Smootchy) He's a man who appears to be in his mid-forties, and who
I'm sure has a slight mental disposition. He dresses in spandex
shorts and a spandex tank top, his favorite outfit is all stripes,
similar to the Gay Pride flag. He may also have tourette's syndrome
as random phrases have been heard coming from his mouth, and he
especially likes to scream "dirty rabbit" from the shower stall.
He's not in especially great shape (most likely from lack of diet
and cardio) but he still makes it to the gym daily.
The next guy is one that I fear and respect, "the old psycho". He
comes to the gym by himself, lifts heavy, and scares the shit out
of female members. He's in his fifties for sure, doesn't talk to
anyone, does classic power lifting... and stares at the women in
between sets... (my kinda guy!) The only problem I have is the fact
that by looking at this guy, you'd never know that he's performing
700 pound deadlifts and 600 pound squats on a weekly basis. My
favorite thing about this guy is his between set "psych out"
routine, where is slaps his own ass and makes noises like he's a
horse. It kind of reminds me of Ronnie Coleman's tape where he's
screaming "light weight" before a thousand pound deadlift
attempt.
The next character is one I like to call "legs" -- because he
NEVER TRAINS HIS LEGS. This bastard has an upper body that I'd kill
to have (***** genetics) and the guy could honestly compete on at
least an amatuer level. I somehow have the feeling that this guy's
eating some androgens because he doesn't lift very heavily and he's
got a huge back, a ripped chest and very proportionally huge arms.
I honestly think that one of these days I'm gonna get the guy to
spot me doing squats and get the bastard to do them himself... I'll
force this guy into using common sense.
Then we've got the bench crew. As you all may know, I get very
angered when mother****ers ask how much my max bench is, and judge
my training on that alone. To be honest with you, I've been
experiencing rotator cuff pain, and haven't been barbell benching
lately, so I'm especially sensitive to the topic... anyway, these
guys are in the gym at least every other day (sometimes every day!)
and they're benching! That's all they do! There's about five of
them... and I just want these guys to see the damage of
overtraining!
The fifth character is Mr. Mrs. Stretch. When I get the chance to
train in the morning, it kills me to see this guy. You see, my gym
has a "stretching class" every day at 6:30 AM. The class is filled
with middle-age, overweight housewives... and this guy! He's a 25
year old man, who needs to get away from this class! First, this
class' purpose is to serve as a warm-up to training... even the
housewives know that. But this guys takes this 25 minute class,
showers, and leaves! I'm sure this is the same guy who goes to
McDonalds for lunch with his co-workers, orders two Big Macs and a
40 ounce Coke and asks everyone while he's not losing any fat.
People like this kill me... Note to people like this: If your
instructor is an overweight women, it's a good sign that it's time
to re-evaluate whether that class is right for you.
Of course, this is a small minority of people at my gym, and the
majority is smart in their training and nutrition.
When choosing a gym, you should always pick one out where the
people training are bigger and stronger than you are. You'll feel
more competetive, and want to keep up with the guys there.
Common sense is the key to exceeding your goals, use it
wisely.
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